You mean the world to me. You always make me laugh even when I don’t feel like smiling. I’ve been through a lot in my life. I’ve a lot of regrets. I always worry what people would think of me if they knew the truth, but when I’m around you, all the worry disappears. I don’t know how you do that. You have no idea how many times you have turned everything around for me. There was a time in my life when the only thing I really did was destroy myself. It was pretty much all I ever thought about. I would walk around with thoughts of pain dancing through my mind, then you would say hi to me and everything felt a little better. To be honest, the first time I really tried to stop, it was for you. Not so much because I thought you would care but because I thought you would judge me. I know you a lot better and I doubt you would have judged. I want you to know so badly but I can’t tell you. I don’t even really know why I want you to know. You just seem so understanding, I guess. The fact of the matter is you always make me feel like I’m ok, even when I know I’m not. When in your presence the past does not exist. I have no scars. I have no pain. Everything is effortless and smooth. Occasionally I say something stupid and feel like a fool, but you just laugh and that makes me feel less like an idiot. I know we’re only friends. I know that’s mostly likely all we will ever be. I just want you to know that you have been irrevocably engraved upon my heart. No matter who else I love, no matter who else I feel anything for, nothing will ever compare to what I feel for you. You have saved me more times than you know. My love for you, although unreturned,is sometimes all that keeps me going. you deserve so much more then what you get. you deserve a life of love and happiness from your friends and from a guy who love you for who you are. all your problems and all your crazy.
i want you so much. (and not in some creepy way) i want so much to hold you in my arms and tell you that everything will be ok because it will be. i wont even begain to try to figure you out.
you know im good at reading people. i cant read you. i dont know if its that i dont want to or that i cant. but i want you to tell me. all i know is i want to spend the rest of my life figuring you out.
maybe we cant be togather. at least not in a relationship how i want it. but no matter where my life goes i will always love you. there will always be a place for you in my heart. no matter who i meet. because you where in my life made living my life worth it.
i know its none of my busness but dont pick him. im not saying pick me (even though i really want you too) dont pick him. he is so bad for you. he will never love you how you deserve. he may be good at heart, but you will always be upset with him, he will always hurt you. he will always make you cry. dont wait for him to change. i dont know if he ever will. and i dont know everything. i wont begain to act like i do. i just know. you cry. you should never cry. you should always feel like you do when your in the sun.
you have no idea how long ive wanted to say what im saying now. when i talk to sam or blu about you. its not about you. its about me. they help me get a grasp around my feelings for you. they help me figure out what i need to say.
im never going anywhere. i truly know what its like to be alone. i always feel alone. no matter where i am or how surrounded by friends i am. inless i have a girl who loves me i will always feel alone. and its the same i think for you. your so afrade of being alond. ryan brought you that comfert and your afrade that if you really let him go that you will never have that again. i guess i just wanted to say ill always be here for you. in that way. to love you and want to be with you no matter what.
i truly feel that the best relationships come from best friends. thats why i like you how i like you honistaly. because i know you so well i dont want to open up to another person for as long as i live. i dont honstaly see myself finding another person like you again for as long as i live. and i dont care because i found you. and thats enough for me.
watching you grow up with someone else will be the hardest thing i ever do. but as long as you want me in your life i will be there by your side no matter what.
i love you unconditonaly and with no fault of myself. i have no clue why. theres litterly nothing i can point out that makes me say this. but i know that if i didnt love you how i do. i would of left by now. you have given me every excuse to leave. you break my heart so much. (not recentaly) but im still here. because i will always be here. untill you ask me to leave.
my life is filled with so much darkness. so much pain. so much suffering. im lost in my own shadow. for 19 years ive felt like ive been walking in a world of darkness. sucked into the vacume of black. then you came into my life. you where my light. your helping to show me the way. you bring color to my life. and when your not around i want to die. i want to sit and do nothing cuz life is not worth living if your not in it. i would surch the depth of the earth and the limitless skies just to be with you. i would face my any horror, overcome my darkest fears just to hear your voice before i go to sleep. its why i keep that necklace over my bed. its so the first thing i see when i go to sleep reminds me of you. and the first thing i see when i wake up reminds me of you.
Whether or not you could ever feel the same is of no consequence right now. you are no devil you are my angel. Just keep breathing, keep smiling, keep laughing, and I will be ok. you gave your heart to him. so i gave you mine.
with more love then you will ever know,
